Mississippi Is The Trap

One day I was daydreaming about various topics as I often do and I came across this idea of The Trap and how it relates to Mississippi. Now when thinking about The Trap, I can’t rely on regular sources for a definition. Thus, I have to go to unusual sources to really get an understanding of what I’m trying to explain. I came across a particular definition on the Urban Dictionary that states, The Trap is: 

“A ghetto place that if you stay there too long you get trapped there. The people and circumstances bring you down. You make friends with someone they ask you for a ride to work. You get profiled and pulled over. Dude has drugs on him and sticks it in your glove box. Cops arrest both of you. Now you got a felony and can't get financial aid to go to college. You end up working at the local McDonald's. Now you trapped. Dude asks you for a ride to work because it's the trap and doesn't want to walk. You say no. He gets fired for being late. Now you got beef and get mugged by his homies. Now you scared to go outside so you don't get mugged again. So you stay in the house and it feels like you are trapped there. That's the trap house. A lot of times people end up selling drugs in the trap house. They fortify it with armed people making little safe places in an otherwise dangerous area.”

For some reason, everything just clicked when I read that. If you take out all the particulars, The Trap is just a cycle of unfortunate circumstances that keep you in a state of mediocrity. Regardless of how much you try to change your circumstances or how much you tell yourself that this feeling of being restricted is a myth, it’s not hard to succumb to the trappings of your environment. It’s easy to equate The Trap to this cycle of drugs and violence because that’s what we have been taught. But it goes beyond that. You don’t need drugs and violence to feel trapped. All you need is a lack of hope. 

When you are surrounded by mediocrity and the only thing that you notice are the negative things that are around you, it’s not hard to fall into the trappings of life. You feel like you’re trapped, even if you’re just trying to survive. So, how does that relate to Mississippi? Well, it’s simple. In Mississippi, you either survive or thrive in spite of and not because of. This state is full of people who have overcome the impossible. Matter of fact, it is expected of you to overcome the impossible if you are from here. And it is that particular statement that I have a problem with. It is not normal to have to overcome impossible tasks at every turn. Eventually society evolves and improves upon the earlier issues that we have had. With every new day that arises, we are faced with new problems. That’s why it is important to solve the problems of yesterday so they won’t pile up on you. Advancements have been made in various fields of study to correct the past and past errors.

But it doesn’t feel like that when you have lived in Mississippi all your life. There is a tradition of mediocrity here that shields the state from whole sale changes. One time I was sitting in on a meeting while people were discussing the effects of a rule that makes it hard for the workers to effectively do their job. When asked why this rule was in place, the only answer anyone could muster up was that “we always have done it this way.” There was no explanation as to why the rule needed to be in place. It was just there because someone decided that it should be there and it wasn’t going to get changed. That pretty much sums up life in Mississippi for me. We only do things because that’s how we have always done it. So how does that mindset stay relevant for so many years? I honestly believe that it is due to not being exposed to better.

The greatest trick Mississippi can pull on you is making you believe that there is no better way and it shields you from knowing that better is even possible. So many people prevent themselves from achieving greatness because they don’t even know that better is possible for them. Motivational people always preach the narrative of dreaming big. They want you to envision yourself as being more than what you really are. But it’s hard seeing that far into your future when you don’t even know what’s possible. Successful people sometimes take the steps to success for granted by thinking that all it takes is hard work and dedication. While it’s true that hard work and dedication increase the probability of your goals coming to fruition, that doesn’t necessarily mean that what worked for you will work for the next person. You may be enjoying the fruits of your labor and trying to impart wisdom on the next person. But that wisdom that you have may not make an imprint on the next person because they are dealing with the hardships of their own life. That is what Mississippi does to your psyche, especially if you didn’t have a good foundation in life. It slowly drains all the energy out of you due to what you see on a daily basis and everyone is not built to handle that.

Now the basis of this piece is not to bash Mississippi, even though it’s impossible not to make this state look bad when the title is “Mississippi Is the Trap.” I’m writing this, more so, to ask a question. How do you help a person who has no hope? I say that because I find myself slowly falling into the trap that Mississippi has laid for me. I’m less optimistic about the future and what lies ahead than I was when I was in college. I’m more irritated with the power structure that is established for people to succeed. And most importantly, I’m losing hope by the day. The most humbling thing that I can say at this time is that I’m realizing that I believe less in myself than ever before.

I was talking with my mom one day and we were discussing to prospect of me buying a house. She was telling me how I need to step out on faith and believe that the house will be paid for. While she was talking, the only thing I could think about was everything I already have to pay for and the amount of debt buying a home would put me in. I couldn’t force myself to believe her good words about me or believe in myself that I can do what I’ve always done and that’s thrive in spite of. I had to catch myself and think about how I got this way. After sulking, I started to think about how people who really have no hope deal with feeling helpless all the time. Better yet, how do we speak to people who really feel that way?

I honestly don’t know how to help a person who doesn’t believe that they can’t help themselves. I’m currently at a point where I can question how I feel. There is still self-accountability at play and I still believe that things can turn out for the better. But a truly hopeless person is beyond your motivational speeches and self-help techniques because their reality makes it seem like your mouth is just spewing lies at them. Words have power, but just imagine if most of the negative thoughts that you think come true. What will you believe? Will you believe this random person telling you that everything is going to be alright? Or will you believe that every bad thing that is happening to you is your fault and there is no way that things can get better? I tend to think that you will believe the latter.

Now if a person truly believes the worst about themselves and everything that you tell them is falling on death ears, are they worth leaving behind? Society tells that you should leave them because you have done all that you can do. To that I simply ask, how did those people become so worthless that they are that easy to let go? I’ve already established that I don’t have the solution to helping truly hopeless people. But I do know that leaving them behind does not work. So what happens if I succumb to my fear and truly become hopeless? Will it be that easy to leave me behind? I guess I won’t find out until it happens.

Look Here Trick: “What’s Wrong with Black People?”

Let me get a few things straight before you start reading this blog.  If you think this is a blog that will ridicule black people for every problem that is wrong in the black community, then stop reading now.  The reason this title was chosen is because it can mean so many different things when read.  It’s a question that is often asked by society, but never dealt with in a way that will cause change in the black community.  I bet when you read the title, a myriad of answers came to your head.  Some of your answers may have included the following: Black on Black Crime, Drugs, Fatherless Homes, Black People Don’t Vote, Black Males Need to Pull up Their Pants, Incarceration Rate, High Pregnancy Rate, Lack of Education, The Use of The “N Word” and so on.  Let me ask this question though.  Why can’t we say that those problems are society problems and not just black people problems?
 
Now I’m not going to deny that these problems are not things that hold black people down.  I’m pretty sure someone can pull up stats that will support each claim.  But let’s be real with ourselves.  The only reason we ask this question is because there is a lack of respect for black people within society.  And by society I mean white and black people in general.  Do you realize how easy it is to make a career out of talking bad about black people?  Watch any news outlet and I guarantee you that you will you find black and white people who will stay criticizing black people.  There are whole conferences built on discussing the problems in black society.
 
Black and White people are profiting off of this one question, “What’s Wrong with Black People?”  The truth is that this question is meant as an attack on poor black people.  For some reason, we tend to group all black people together while disregarding that black people are people.  People have flaws regardless of what race they are a part of.  But due to lack of respect for black people by black and white people, all black people are created equal.
 
It’s fine to have the discussion.  It’s cool to show “tough love” for our own race.  But who exactly are we talking to?  Who is the audience that we are trying to reach?  Are we actually reaching the audience that needs to hear what we are talking about?  Those are honest questions that I feel are not being answered in the proper way.  When we have these conversations, it seems like the people who need to hear these talks are hardly ever involved.  So if the people who need to hear these discussions are not involved, what are we really using that time for?  In essence, it seems that we are basically talking bad about poor black people behind their back. And we wonder why the situation hasn't gotten any better.
 
That’s why I have a problem with the “black people don’t vote” argument.  The people who argue that tend to argue that in the presence of black people who vote.  What’s the point of telling a person who votes that the problems we are having is because they are not voting?  Who are you directing your ire towards?  Because if you’re not talking to the people who are meant to hear what you are saying, your argument is not valid.
 
I believe that the whole point of this conversation is to exercise our belief that white people are universally right.  There appears to be a need for black people to be accepted by white people in the sense of how we live.  But due to racism that dream will never be fully realized.  For some odd reason some of us black people truly believe that social acceptance will come if we fix everything that is wrong in the black community.  That train of thought bothers me for this reason.  Racism has no respect of person.  And why do we feel we need to appease a racist in the first place?

A racist person will still hate you regardless of how perfect your life may appear.  You want to know how I know.  Because I have still experienced racism despite coming from a family with two parents in the home, a bachelor’s and master’s degree, no criminal record, practicing the right to vote and not sagging my pants. What more can I do to get a racist person to like me?  Nothing at all.  Do I think all white people are racist? No, and I know that for a fact.  Do I think most white people are racist?  I don’t believe so.   Is racism still alive?  I’m quite sure of it.  Do black people have the solution to racism? No and that’s a dumb question to ask black people.  If we had the answer, don’t you think we would have put that in motion by now?  How do you stop someone from hating you for no reason?  You might want to ask the people who are doing the hating in the first place.
 
Black people shouldn't have to live in a culture where everything is our fault.  When was the last time someone ask the question, “What’s wrong with white people?”  The white community has its fair share of problems.  I can’t directly tell you those problems because I’m black and I don’t know their struggle.  But I’m pretty sure someone can tell you the issues in the white community.  Matter of fact, how often do you here about what is wrong with any other race in comparison to how often you hear what is wrong with the black race?  I’m quite sure it is minimal.  I find it hard to believe that society has let down every race of people except black people.  That doesn't add up to me.
 
You may ask why I’m writing this piece to begin with.  It seems like I have touched on a little bit of everything, but I believe my point is clear though.  Stating what is wrong with black people is not helping the situation if you don’t address the problem directly.  It’s cool to hold each other accountable, but who exactly are we holding accountable?  It’s not right to talk about a particular set of people behind their back.  Educated black people don’t have the right to talk down on poor black people in the presence of other educated black people.  Matter of fact, no one has that right.  If you can’t address the people who need to hear what you saying in a way that is respectful to them, then you are wasting words by telling other people who are not directly related to the problem.  

Look Here Trick: Dealing With Social Awkwardness

I think I’m not going out on a limb when I say that people think differently about me.  To some I’m quiet, standoffish, disinterested, lowkey mean or shy.  Now I admit I can come off that way to some people.  But let me be clear, I’m not that way to everyone.  That’s one of my major flaws that I’m trying to deal with everyday of my life.  It’s a huge battle that I fight and my win-loss record with that obstacle is just about even.  I lose just as much as I win and that fact eats at me every single day of my life.  But I deal with it and I continue to fight.  Now you may ask why I’m writing a piece such as this.  Well I want people to know that I’m not the only person like me.  Actually, it’s quite common for a person to have some if not most of the traits I possess.  This piece is meant to explain why we are who we are and to give some tips as to how we deal with what we are and get better in our state.  Hopefully, someone will read this piece and better understand themselves and gain the necessary hope that will enable them to get out of their situation.

Why I Am The Way I Am?

To understand me, you must first know my past.  I grew up in a great home.  God couldn’t have picked better parents for me and I thank Him daily for that.  My father is a pastor and my mother is a missionary.  I have one younger sister and we are like the best of friends.  Life seems lovely don’t it?  But every life comes with some type of pressure that shapes and molds the very person we are and what we are to become.  Because of my parent’s religious beliefs, I was shaped in that same mold.  Unlike other pastor’s kids, I didn’t want to rebel against my parents beliefs for the most part.  I saw the positives that came from that lifestyle, so the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint them.  So there was certain things I didn’t do and still don’t do to this day.  I never wanted to party, smoke, drink, curse or partake in a riotous way of living because I saw its downside. 

Now the thing about my denomination is that there is no gray area really.  Something is either right or wrong.  That can be confusing growing up because in the world we live in today, things that are considered wrong in my church are considered normal in everyday life.  The one thing God blessed me with was a mind to think for myself.  So I see these things and I instantly start to question certain things internally.  First mistake!!!!  I keep a lot of stuff in and that was the beginning of me appearing to be quiet.  I was scared to question things I didn’t have a full knowledge of.  And these are the people God has placed over me so I always figured they knew more than me.  So as you can see, the pressure of trying to please people even when you don’t know why you are trying to please them can cause a person to become confused in who they are as a person.  Let’s dig a little bit deeper because there is more.

I had a love/hate relationship with high school.  I mean, I loved most of my teachers, made some really good friends and got to play football.  But there was a downside.  You will never hear me say,”Man I wish I could go back to my high school days”.  Nope, never that.  One of the greatest days of my life was when I graduated from that place.  I never wanted to be a part of that particular environment ever again.   There is a reason for this.  While I felt respected by mostly everyone, it still doesn’t take away the fact that I felt I was teased and used because of the way I chose to live my life.  Different people would just choose to make jokes about me for things I didn't do.  Whether it was attempting to get me to curse or talking about the way I walked.  Those comments slowly ate at my self confidence even though that wasn’t even the hardest part about my ordeal.  Because I tried to do what the bible said, I took most of those hurtful comments.  Now I wasn’t a punk.  I stood up for myself.  That was part of the reason I loved football so much.  I could hit people legally as hard as I was able to and not get in trouble for doing it.  I used to love when people who used to tease me joined the football team.  I would try to light them up.  I had a hit list too. Lol  But anyway, I took most of those comments because God said turn the other cheek.  And those people didn’t make it any easier on me because they often cheated off me ALL through school.  I foolishly helped them but it was not for their respect.  It was because I felt it was the right thing to do at the time.

Speaking of cheating off me ALL through school,  that leads me to tell you all about my social awkwardness with girls.  All through middle and high school, I had a weird interest in what type of girl I actually liked.  I always wanted a good girl I could take home to mother but those were all taken.  So being the man I am, I still wanted affection.  Well somewhere along the line, most of the girls I ended of liking were some of the same girls who tended to cheat off me.  They were using me and I let them do it.  But I always seemed to catch on though.  I would wait until we had a major test and ignore them.  In my mind, since they were using me, I was going to handicap them for the rest of their lives.  I wanted to trick them into trusting me so much that they got too lazy to do their own work.  And once they left high school, they wouldn’t be equipped to think well enough for themselves at any higher institute of learning.  I know, it sounds bad but that’s how I felt at the time. 

All through high school, I was not confident enough to talk to a girl like I wanted to because I wasn’t sure if anyone was not trying to use me or if they really just liked me for me.  That still haunts me to this day.  I struggle with my confidence and thinking if girls really like me or they just playing.  That’s probably why I’m such an outspoken person on Twitter about how trifling girls are.  I’ve been hurt a lot.  That’s slick why when my last relationship went south, I was so confused and hurt.  I felt like I did all I could do, but it still didn’t work.  I wanted to blame her, I blamed me, I blamed society.  That was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with.  A broken heart.   

How Do I Deal With It And Get Better?

As you can see, different factors in my past lead to me being a certain way.  But that’s not an excuse and it shouldn’t ever be used as one.  Defeating the feeling of Social Awkwardness is not an easy battle, but you can fight it.  Here are some helpful tips that I incorporate in my everyday life.

Fight the thought of being scared to fail

My biggest weakness is my fear of failure.  It prohibits me from doing most of the things I’m capable of doing.  But as I said before, that shouldn’t be used as an excuse.  You have to realize that failure is a part of life.  Avoiding failure will not prevent failure because at the end of the day you are still failing if you never try.  The question I often ask myself is which result is worse: Failing at the task or Never giving myself the opportunity to succeed?  Case in point, I told you all about my struggles with confidence as it relates to girls.  Well there is actually a girl I like right now.  The main thing that’s holding me back is the what-if’s.  What if she don’t like me like that? What if this messes up how we relate as friends? What if I’m just not good enough for her?  What if she’s feeling another dude that I don’t know about?  The options for failure are limitless.  But the hope that keeps me wanting to pursue her more is the thought that, we really do have a great time when we are together and I can’t just make my feelings for her disappear.  So those two questions come back up.  Which is worse: Failing at the opportunity to be with her or Not giving myself a chance to be with her?  So, I’ve made my decision.  Maybe next post, I’ll be writing about how happy I actually took the chance of getting with her and it worked.  Or next post I could be writing a sympathy post. Hey, you never know. Lol

Expand Your Comfort Zone

I hate when people tell other people to step out of their comfort zone.  The people who tell other people that are in their comfort zone when telling people that.  I say, expand your comfort zone.  There are certain desires and tendencies God has given you.  You should work within that framework to better yourself.  How can you do anything to the best of your ability without feeling a certain level of comfort in doing so?  Take chances, but do them on your terms.  Other people do the exact same thing.  They just want you to believe that they were completely out of their comfort zone when they did it.  They’re probably lying.  Plus, there is more than one solution to a problem.  Your solution might not be to completely do something you’re not comfortable in doing.  Some people have to be eased into doing things.  Nothing is wrong with that.  Keep telling yourself that until you believe it.

Learn About Yourself

We live with ourselves daily but we sometimes fail to really understand ourselves.  And by understanding ourselves, I mean being content with the person that we are.  We try to be what other people envision us to be instead of just enjoying who we truly are.  I advise anyone to learn what you like and dislike.  Take charge of your life and become one with who you are.  You know if you like doing something for you as opposed to doing it for someone else.  Find something you like doing, and let that become your safe haven from the world.  I feel you can learn a lot about yourself when you actually know when you are happy.  The quicker you find that out, the quicker you can formulate your own plan for yourself.  That will bring a certain level of comfort just knowing you know what you want to do.  And let me tell you this.  Everyone knows what they truly want to do.  Everyone doesn’t know how they will do it.  That’s the hard part.  But it’s only half the battle.  If you conquer the first battle in finding out what you want to do, then you can conquer the next battle of figuring out how you are going to do it.

Don’t Be Too Afraid To Let People In

I told you all I hated high school.  But what I didn’t tell you is that I LOVED college!  I loved it so much that I went back for a second degree. Lol One of the reasons I loved college was that I was able to expose myself to new people.  People who didn’t know me.  People who didn’t judge me.  That was key in my development.  I was able to open up more around certain people and I wasn’t thinking about what they think of me.  I was just doing me.  It expanded my support system.  A support system is something we all need.  By having that support system, I gained enough confidence to do things like this.  Be honest about myself in front of as many people who will read this post.  Like me, you have to realize that everyone does not want to use you or get in all your business.  They really want to help you.  Find some people who want to help you.  Involve yourself in different programs who are designed to give you help.  Opening up about your flaws and being okay with them can only help in your maturation process.  These blogs are like healing sessions for me because they allow me to say how I feel.  And that’s coming from a person who prides himself in people not knowing what he’s thinking.

Hopefully I said something in this blog that will help a person out.  I was inspired to write this blog because of a message in church I heard on Sunday.  We often hear the drastic stories of how people deal with this problem.  But you never hear the common man’s story.  I wanted to give that perspective.  If you liked this post by all means let me know.  Follow me on Twitter at @CaptoniousMonk, Instagram – Clemred21, Facebook – Clemon Redmond III, or email me at clemred21@yahoo.com.  Thanks For Reading!!!!!

  

Look Here Trick: What Your Man Really Wants

Recently, I have become a huge battle rap fan.  So, I have coerced myself into the culture hard.  I mean, that’s all I watch when I’m on YouTube.  Whether it be interviews, blogs, battles or anything that involves battle rap.  I’m into it.  Well just the other day, I was watching this blog by this battle rapper named Aye Verb with his homie Chase.  The title of the blog was “How To Keep Yo Man” and I must say I was entertained by it.  Now the stuff they were saying in the video, I don’t agree with for the most part and I’m sure most who actually read this blog won’t either.  But I can say that it inspired me to write this blog.  I think it’s a really cool subject that needs to addressed.  Women always complain about not knowing what men want, and for the most part it may be true.  I have my own theory.  I think women know what men want but they don’t want to give them that because it may take attention away from them.  But that’s a different subject for a different day.  But I will attempt to tell you what a man expects from a relationship and what will make him happy.  Take notes because this is some good advice you’re about to get.

Keep It Simple

Men are some of the simplest creatures God ever made.  We know this and we’re okay with this.  It’s only a problem when women make it a problem.  As dudes, we have our core of things that genuinely brings excitement into our lives.  Whether it be specific sports, music, adventurous stuff, or hobbies, we stick to that core.  So I’m going to tell you this.  It’s not hard to please us if you stick to the core and it’s not hard to identify the core of a dude’s interest.  It’s the thing that he gets excited about the most.  It will show.  Now women can complicate a dude’s core interest by either not caring about it or caring about it too much.  Let me give you an example.  I’m a huge sports fan.  That’s my core.  Now a girl can mess up my core by doing the following.  Either she doesn't care about my core and for Christmas decides to buy me the first sports related thing she sees or she can care too much and buy me something featuring a popular team I don’t too much care for.  Moral of the story, keep it simple.  In my situation, just ask me what my favorite teams are or take notice of the games I like to watch.  And that’s for dudes with other interest.  Ask them simple questions like what’s your favorite and why.  It’s not hard to get the necessary information.

Shut Up Sometimes

I know the title seems harsh but it has to be said this way for you to get the picture.  The truth hurts sometimes.  Dudes get irritated by a girl who talks too much.  We put up with it, but a lot of the times we are not trying to hear what you are talking about.  Have you ever heard the phrase, go in one ear and come out the other?  Well that is what happens when a dude has to listen to a girl talk about stuff that’s just not interesting to him.  And you can tell when a dude is not interested in what you have to say when he gives you short transitional phrases that keep the conversation going.  For example, What?, Forreal?, Word?, Naw Now, You Lying, and so on.  I’m not telling you to go mute on the guy, but try to keep it at a minimum.  There’s a great divide between men and women when it comes to communication and I will say that it’s both parties’ fault.  Women want men to talk more and men want women to talk less.  There needs to be a compromise.  Women, if you want your dude to talk more then you have to talk less so he can say what you want him to say.  Two people talking at the same time is noise and not a conversation.  Proverbs is filled with scriptures that condemn people for talking too much.  Proverbs 10:19, Proverbs 17:28, Proverbs 21:23 are just a few.  So what I’m saying is pretty valid for those who want to challenge it.

Stop Believing What Your Friend Girl Tells You About Men

I think this is pretty much self-explanatory.  Your friend girl does not know what a man is thinking most of the time.  She’s just going to rely on her emotions and tell you irrational information.  Of course she’s going to ride for you, so you might not be getting correct information.  I say, unless she has concrete evidence to support her claim, then don’t believe her.  Matter of fact, you will do better by believing the opposite of what she says.  It’s easy to tell if you should believe her.  If you ask her what your man thinks and she gives you one answer then you shouldn't believe her.  I say that because most dudes are different and she’s only going off of past experiences.  And unless yall dated the same dude, she going to go off her past relationship and use that dude as an example, instead of just thinking rational in the first place.  That’s why when I tell girls how dudes are thinking, I try to give them multiple scenarios because truthfully, I don’t know what he’s thinking and I’m a man.  Just ask your dude what he’s thinking.  Eventually he will tell you so you can stop speculating.  And if he doesn't then you all might not be meant for each other.

Say How You Feel The First Time

This one is real important to me.  Dudes are not psychics, so stop expecting your dude to be one.  Women set themselves up for failure.  And to be honest, some men do to.  When a dude asks you how you feeling, if you are not feeling alright then tell us.  After we make sure that you say you’re alright, we are going to leave it alone.  Don’t expect us to read your mind and predict what’s wrong with you and don’t expect us to try to fight it out of you because we are not going to do that.  I know you expect us to, but let’s be real.  You don’t trust us enough to tell us the first time, so why should we continue to try?  Save yourself the grief and just tell us when we first ask.  It’s not a fun game when you don’t say how you feel in the first place.  I’ve played that game before.  It didn't work out for me.  So I’m speaking from experience.  Just go on and let your frustrations out.  It’s better that way because if you let it build up then eventually you’re going to break and nothing good will come out of that.

Know Yourself

I’m about to let you in on a little secret.  Women are insecure.  I just dropped a bomb on yall. Now let me let you in on another secret.  Dudes already know and for the most part, we deal with it.  So if we know then what’s so hard about you knowing it?  Women care more about what other people think than their man and that’s a problem.  Stop trying to live how these people think you should live.  Be you!!!!  When a dude decided to pursue a relationship with you, he liked you for you.  Be glad about that.  The only changing you should be doing is for the better.  What people think will never enhance your relationship.  Don’t let their flawed perception ruin your happy reality.  And another thing, dudes don’t like indecisive girls just like girls don’t like indecisive dudes.  It gets irritating being around a girl who doesn't know who she is or what she is.  And I’m sure it’s the same way for girls.  Just be you and focus on getting better.  You don’t have to complain about it.  Just do it.  

Avoid Asking Questions You’re Scared To Know The Answer To

Ladies, if you alter anything on your body whether it be your hair, piercings, new outfit or etc.  If the dude doesn't acknowledge it when he first sees it then he either doesn't like it or it’s irrelevant to him.  Save yourself the heartbreak in asking him if he likes it or not.  By asking him that, you’re setting yourself up to get lied to.  And if he doesn't lie to you, you’re not going to like the answer.  Honestly, a real man doesn't like to hurt his girl, so don’t make him.  Take the clues that he presents to you and keep moving.  Your relationship is going to have problems regardless.  Little petty stuff like how your hair looks or is this cute is not worth an argument.  Trust me.  A dude is going to tell you that he likes something about you.  It’s in his nature.  Just be cool and if you have to take the L, then do it.  We’re not going to like everything you put on so just accept it.  We’re not trying to be mean.  We’re just different people with different preferences.  It doesn't change the fact that we like you.  And don’t let your insecurities about petty stuff make you think that you’re not compatible with the dude.  That’s not a valid reason to break up with anyone.  You have to be a pretty sad person to break up just because a person doesn't like one thing about you. 

Give Your Man A Chance

Ladies, the last thing a dude wants from his lady is a girl who doesn't trust him or believe in him.  I know women have a certain vision for their man and they believe that what they envision is greater than what the man envisions for himself.  But you have to realize something, a vision can only be reality when the person actually believes the vision and acts on it.  If the dude doesn't see himself in the parameters of your vision then your vision is not going to work for him.  He has to believe in the vision and if he doesn't then it’s a lost cause.  Support your man.  There are certain things that he is passionate about and you should back him.  Now if it’s something illegal then you shouldn't encourage him in it.  But if it’s reasonable and legal, then at least have his back in it.  If it’s not meant for him then he will fail.  But at least he will know that his girl had his back and that’s what really matters to him.  And give your man the benefit of the doubt.  Too many girls let their past trifling boyfriend determine how they treat their new guy.  Like I said previously, all dudes are not the same.  So you shouldn't assume the next dude is just as trifling and the last dude.  You’re robbing yourself of your own happiness.  Why hurt yourself?  Let your current dude prove he trifling before you start to treat him like he trifling.  You’re not protecting yourself from hurt because you’re going to be hurt anyway, if he’s trifling.  Give your man a chance to be a good one and live with the consequences because you’re going to end up doing it anyway.  And don’t confuse this with settling because it’s nothing like it.  It’s called giving the dude a fair shot.  Women always want a dude to accept them for their “Flaws and All”.  Well do it for your man and he will accept you too.

Look Here Trick: Soul Searching

Disclaimer

Hello everyone!!! It’s been a long time since my last true blog post.  I can’t lie, it’s going to be hard to write this one because I know it may cause some emotional outbursts from people and the last thing I want to do is hurt another person.  But this blog is my spot to really just write down my feelings and get feedback.  It also offers me some sort of healing in that I get to show people another side of me that they didn’t know existed.  It almost feels like I have to write my feelings on this blog.  I’ve spent the majority of my life doing my best to stay out of controversy and not be the “Fall Guy”.  But from time to time, I still end up being that guy.  At least when I write this, I’ll have a written statement from me explaining my actions and I can know the undeniable truth as written by me was said.  Now people may say why you can’t just talk to someone.  First, I’m mostly Introvert, so talking to people about me isn’t the easiest thing for me to do.  Secondly, I find it relaxing to tell some complete stranger my problems.  Without a relationship established, those people normally give me a truly unbiased opinion.  I hate when people beat around the bush just to spare my feelings.  I’d respect you more if you would just knock that tree down and be upfront with me.  Finally, people don’t think they have to continually earn my trust.  Because I’m mild mannered, they think they can just treat me right on occasions and I will just tell them everything from the depths of my soul.  One thing about me is that I’m stubborn.  I’ll give you a piece of me but only in spurts.  I know for a fact that people repeat things to other people.  Before I tell you something, I want to be sure that I want other people to know it.  And just because I won’t tell you something off the bat, does not mean I won’t tell you at all or that I don’t trust you.  You have to work with me.  There are things I don’t want to do.  That doesn’t mean I won’t do them though.  If you tell me why you want me to do something, then I’ll probably do what you want me to do with a little more joy.  I just hate wasting my time.  I’m real because I can’t hide my emotions.  My face says it all.  You just have to be willing to work with me and not get easily frustrated.  Chances are, I’m frustrated with you as well, but I’m putting up with it for the greater good.  You can at least try to do the same.  So now that I got this disclaimer out the way, I can get into what I really want to talk about. ENJOY!!!!

Faith

I want to start off with my faith because I realize it’s the most important thing in my life.  My relationship with God hasn’t been where it should be and I admit that.  I haven’t been studying the word as much as I should and it eats at me from time to time.  God has blessed me so much and I can’t seem to give him his proper time throughout the day.  I still pray every night and I still go to church on Sunday, but a relationship with God is more than that.  It’s a journey that you have with Him that takes you through many peaks and valleys ultimately sculpting you into the person God want you to be.  I’m not what God sees I should be right now.  It’s important that I say that for a number of reasons though.  Many people view me in a positive light and I’ve worked hard to instill that trust in each and every individual I meet.  There are certain things I don’t do and to this day I will never do them.  But I am not perfect in any way.  Most people outside of my family don’t know that I have struggled with Pornography.  So you never get too up to fall.  But I say that to say this.  God sees your pain and your struggles and still sees you in the same light that He has always seen you in.  He loves you no matter the problem and He wants to establish a relationship with you regardless of what you’ve done.  And I guess that’s why it hurts so much to know I’m not doing what needs to be done on a daily basis to adhere to God’s plan when He has been there for me a countless number of times when I didn’t deserve it.  But the good thing about God is that He is merciful.  He has put me in an environment where I can’t stray too far away from Him.  Now don’t get me wrong, I still help out in my church and I offer guidance to people who need it.  But like I said, it’s more than that.  When I decided to write this blog, I wanted to be 100% honest and truthful because I know there are many assumptions about me.  I’m not as great as you think I am, but I’m not as bad as you want me to be.  And I figure, if people can see me in a vulnerable state, they will begin to understand me more.  Plus, I just hope that reading this causing someone to evaluate their relationship with God and realize how imperfect they are.

Pursuit of a Career

Well after an extensive job search, I can say God positioned me with a good job that I can be proud of.  People don’t know how hard it was for me to find a job.  My resume looks great, but what you have done means nothing to people looking to hire for an entry level position.  It’s all about who you know.  I can’t lie and say I don’t feel like I have been passed over because of that very fact.  Just the other day, I saw a picture of someone I interviewed alongside for a corporate internship.  Turns out he actually got the job even though I was probably more qualified.  I was a little ticked but I got over it.  Not mad at him.  Get your paper.  But it’s hard to feel any comfort knowing that no matter what I do, I will get looked over.  That’s not the best feeling in the world.  But enough of that let me get to the good stuff.  I work the front desk and do night audit at the Embassy Suites near where I stay.  This is a great experience for me because our hotel is a real business type atmosphere.  Many large companies hold events there and their workers stay there often.  So I meet a lot of people daily by just working and being hospitable.  I’ve earned a large amount of trust with my coworkers because of my willingness to learn and my punctuality (being there on time).  I thank God for the favor He has given me with these people and I’m doing my best to no let them down.  I just pray that that this experience doesn’t end up like my past experiences where unexpected events lead to expiration.  If I have to leave, I want it to be on good terms with a suitable solution for both parties.  I can’t say that I know what it means to achieve your dream though.  Like, I have dreams but none of them seem attainable due to the position that I’m in so I end up settling for whatever is best at the time.  For once I would like to realize a dream of mine and be happy that I accomplished it.  I’m tired of doing the more “Realistic” thing.

Friendships

This has been an interesting year as it relates to my friendship with people.  I’ve had some ups and I’ve had some downs.  I’ve been tested and tried.  I can’t say I’ve whether or not I’ve passed the majority of the test.  But I can say I’ve grown so much as a person throughout these times.  One of my closets friend’s father just passed away and it hit me hard.  For one, I don’t like seeing my friends hurt and not be in a position where I can take that pain away.  I don’t know why God makes certain decisions, but I tend to not question His decision making as to why.  I just hope this situation brings my friend closer to God because He’s the only one that can provide him with a since of peace that he is lacking right now.  I’m doing my best to make things feel as normal as I can.  But I can’t front and say I don’t feel like a hypocrite telling someone it’s going to be alright when my father is alive and breathing.  I know those words probably don’t mean much, but I want to be there for my friend.  That’s the least that I can do.  I have another friend who’s pursuing his dream but I honestly don’t know how serious he is about it.  The people around him try to be his support system but there is only so much we can do.  I see the same people pursue the same dream that he has with way more ferocity and some of them end up making it.  And they’re normally less talented than my friend.  But I know what his problem is.  He lets outside forces deter him from his goal.  I can’t be there all the time because there are certain things I don’t do.  But I guess when you get caught up in a lifestyle, you adapt to the people that surround you.  I just hope his talent isn’t wasted.  I’ve done all I can do, but I can’t continue to move on someone’s behalf if they’re not all in.  And just saying that you’re all in isn’t enough for me.  I have to see a level of consistency in your actions that goes with your statement.  Until I see that, I will just let the inevitable happen.

Relationships

This will probably be the longest section of this blog because I have plenty to say on this.  It seems like every time I write on this blog I’m single.  Maybe it’s just meant for me to be single when I write like this.  Who knows?  But anyway, I’ve been single for about 3 and half months now.  And I can truly say it’s been quite the journey these past couple of months.  I’ve gotten over her but I can’t lie and say I’m not a little bit bitter as to how it went down.  It just feels like I failed the relationship.  Now she can tell me all she wants that it’s not my fault but I can’t help but feel that it is my fault because it wasn’t my idea to break away.  We’ve talked about it and have found closure.  I’ll let that stand.  We decided to remain friends and at one point that was going good.  But now it feels like God is transitioning us from Friends to Associates.  We barely communicate now because neither one of us feels that it is necessary.  When we do communicate, it’s the cordial “Hey, how are you?” and “How is everything going?”  That’s about it.  I guess God has placed us on different paths that are heading in two totally different directions.  That normally happens in my life.  Friends are in my life for a season or two and then they’re off doing their own thing.  It’s not they’re fault.  Things just happen.  And before you know it, they become a distant memory in my life.  That’s kinda how I deal with things.  Once they’re gone, I’m forced to move on.  But I’ve made a promise to myself.  I refuse to just call her up out the blue and proceed to whine and complain to her while squeezing in a marriage proposal like her old boyfriends.  Like I said, I’m content with the thought of not having her as my girlfriend.  I plan on moving on.  I guess I’m more hurt that our friendship has turned into the last days of our relationship.  We’re just going through the motions.  Maybe it’s on me.  I can’t sit here and say I would be overjoyed to see her right now if she walked through the door.  I don’t know how I would feel to be honest.  I’d imagine it would be an awkward moment with us just going through the motion and doing the traditional song and dance.  But I will say this.  God gave me exactly what I asked for.  A while back, I had a simple prayer to God as it concerns my relationship status.  I got so desperate just to have someone that I asked God to just send me someone to teach me how to be a good boyfriend.  God did just that with her so I guess that was her purpose in my life.  Well now I have a new prayer.  I just pray that the next one is The One.  I’m tired of looking and I just want a girl who’s willing to put up with me and that I’m willing to put up with.  I’ve always said that I would be able to determine if a girl was The One by our first argument.  If I was able to take what she was dishing and she was able to take what I was dishing out, then I would know that we’re capable of spending the rest of our lives together.  In my last relationship, we never argued.  Just subtle debates.  I held a lot of stuff in and she did the same.  Before you know it, assumptions and misconceptions were the death of us.  I always think what if we just argued one time and was able say how we feel before seeking guidance.  Maybe we would have lasted longer.  You never know.  But I can say she was a good girlfriend.  God is doing some pretty awesome things in her life.  I still pray for her happiness every night.  She’s going to be fine because God has her back.  As with me, I’m still searching for The One.  I don’t want to live my life alone.  I know God is all that I need, but I really want a mate.  Even Adam needed help and so do I.  But in my pursuit of a female companion, I’ve changed a couple of my viewpoints.  I don’t know if I can risk another friendship like this last one, so I can’t say that it’s totally right to date your friends.  It’s hard enough to find good friends in this world.  So losing one is a hard pill to swallow.  Another thing that has really been bothering me is the length I go to make people happy.  I tried so hard to please my girlfriend but those things couldn’t save our relationship.  I’m really thinking about toning it down some.  I figure I can save the outlandish stuff for marriage.  If she truly likes me, it shouldn’t matter.  And the main thing that has changed with me is probably what I look for in a mate.  I’m really more concerned with a girl’s tolerance level.  I don’t know if I can handle a super sensitive girl.  I put up with so much stuff that it’s hard for me to see how someone can’t get easily offended or hurt off the simplest of things.  I’m not trying to hurt anyone.  Sometimes I need the girl to know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m not doing things to hurt her.  It hurts me when I have to apologize for hurting someone’s feelings when my intentions where spare that very person’s hurt.  I’d like to be trusted as well.  I just need God to restore my faith.  He did it one time for me, so I know he can do it again.

Conclusion

And that’s me in a nutshell.  I have plenty more to say but I figure most of you are tired of reading this book so I will save the rest for the next time.  But I will leave you with this.  I wrote this piece as a means of understanding.  Many people don’t understand me.  They assume they know but are mostly wrong.  I am an Introvert.  I’m quiet most of the time.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t talk.  I feed off the energy of others.  If you come to me talking in a calm, quiet manner, I’ll probably talk to you in a calm and quiet manner.  But if you talk to me with energy, you might be surprised with what you get out of me.  I have insecurities that need to be addressed.  But that doesn’t mean it will be easy to get those feelings out of me.  I want to tell you, but I’d like to do it on my terms.  If you put enough trust in me, you will get what you want out of me.  But at the moment where you begin to look down on me or get frustrated, I will lock up again.  I’m giving you warning now.  Just because I’m hard to crack does not mean I’m not worth the try.  Even some of the greatest gifts have the hardest packages to open.  Just give me a chance and it will be worth the ride.  Thank you for reading and please send me some kind of feedback.  I’m real interested in hearing what you all had to say. 

LOOK HERE TRICK: O.J. Simpson

OJ was ballin like #LookHereTrick!!!! lol

LOOK HERE TRICK: Lebron

Lebron told his momma...........#LookHereTrick!!! lol