Look Here Trick: What Your Man Really Wants

Recently, I have become a huge battle rap fan.  So, I have coerced myself into the culture hard.  I mean, that’s all I watch when I’m on YouTube.  Whether it be interviews, blogs, battles or anything that involves battle rap.  I’m into it.  Well just the other day, I was watching this blog by this battle rapper named Aye Verb with his homie Chase.  The title of the blog was “How To Keep Yo Man” and I must say I was entertained by it.  Now the stuff they were saying in the video, I don’t agree with for the most part and I’m sure most who actually read this blog won’t either.  But I can say that it inspired me to write this blog.  I think it’s a really cool subject that needs to addressed.  Women always complain about not knowing what men want, and for the most part it may be true.  I have my own theory.  I think women know what men want but they don’t want to give them that because it may take attention away from them.  But that’s a different subject for a different day.  But I will attempt to tell you what a man expects from a relationship and what will make him happy.  Take notes because this is some good advice you’re about to get.

Keep It Simple

Men are some of the simplest creatures God ever made.  We know this and we’re okay with this.  It’s only a problem when women make it a problem.  As dudes, we have our core of things that genuinely brings excitement into our lives.  Whether it be specific sports, music, adventurous stuff, or hobbies, we stick to that core.  So I’m going to tell you this.  It’s not hard to please us if you stick to the core and it’s not hard to identify the core of a dude’s interest.  It’s the thing that he gets excited about the most.  It will show.  Now women can complicate a dude’s core interest by either not caring about it or caring about it too much.  Let me give you an example.  I’m a huge sports fan.  That’s my core.  Now a girl can mess up my core by doing the following.  Either she doesn't care about my core and for Christmas decides to buy me the first sports related thing she sees or she can care too much and buy me something featuring a popular team I don’t too much care for.  Moral of the story, keep it simple.  In my situation, just ask me what my favorite teams are or take notice of the games I like to watch.  And that’s for dudes with other interest.  Ask them simple questions like what’s your favorite and why.  It’s not hard to get the necessary information.

Shut Up Sometimes

I know the title seems harsh but it has to be said this way for you to get the picture.  The truth hurts sometimes.  Dudes get irritated by a girl who talks too much.  We put up with it, but a lot of the times we are not trying to hear what you are talking about.  Have you ever heard the phrase, go in one ear and come out the other?  Well that is what happens when a dude has to listen to a girl talk about stuff that’s just not interesting to him.  And you can tell when a dude is not interested in what you have to say when he gives you short transitional phrases that keep the conversation going.  For example, What?, Forreal?, Word?, Naw Now, You Lying, and so on.  I’m not telling you to go mute on the guy, but try to keep it at a minimum.  There’s a great divide between men and women when it comes to communication and I will say that it’s both parties’ fault.  Women want men to talk more and men want women to talk less.  There needs to be a compromise.  Women, if you want your dude to talk more then you have to talk less so he can say what you want him to say.  Two people talking at the same time is noise and not a conversation.  Proverbs is filled with scriptures that condemn people for talking too much.  Proverbs 10:19, Proverbs 17:28, Proverbs 21:23 are just a few.  So what I’m saying is pretty valid for those who want to challenge it.

Stop Believing What Your Friend Girl Tells You About Men

I think this is pretty much self-explanatory.  Your friend girl does not know what a man is thinking most of the time.  She’s just going to rely on her emotions and tell you irrational information.  Of course she’s going to ride for you, so you might not be getting correct information.  I say, unless she has concrete evidence to support her claim, then don’t believe her.  Matter of fact, you will do better by believing the opposite of what she says.  It’s easy to tell if you should believe her.  If you ask her what your man thinks and she gives you one answer then you shouldn't believe her.  I say that because most dudes are different and she’s only going off of past experiences.  And unless yall dated the same dude, she going to go off her past relationship and use that dude as an example, instead of just thinking rational in the first place.  That’s why when I tell girls how dudes are thinking, I try to give them multiple scenarios because truthfully, I don’t know what he’s thinking and I’m a man.  Just ask your dude what he’s thinking.  Eventually he will tell you so you can stop speculating.  And if he doesn't then you all might not be meant for each other.

Say How You Feel The First Time

This one is real important to me.  Dudes are not psychics, so stop expecting your dude to be one.  Women set themselves up for failure.  And to be honest, some men do to.  When a dude asks you how you feeling, if you are not feeling alright then tell us.  After we make sure that you say you’re alright, we are going to leave it alone.  Don’t expect us to read your mind and predict what’s wrong with you and don’t expect us to try to fight it out of you because we are not going to do that.  I know you expect us to, but let’s be real.  You don’t trust us enough to tell us the first time, so why should we continue to try?  Save yourself the grief and just tell us when we first ask.  It’s not a fun game when you don’t say how you feel in the first place.  I’ve played that game before.  It didn't work out for me.  So I’m speaking from experience.  Just go on and let your frustrations out.  It’s better that way because if you let it build up then eventually you’re going to break and nothing good will come out of that.

Know Yourself

I’m about to let you in on a little secret.  Women are insecure.  I just dropped a bomb on yall. Now let me let you in on another secret.  Dudes already know and for the most part, we deal with it.  So if we know then what’s so hard about you knowing it?  Women care more about what other people think than their man and that’s a problem.  Stop trying to live how these people think you should live.  Be you!!!!  When a dude decided to pursue a relationship with you, he liked you for you.  Be glad about that.  The only changing you should be doing is for the better.  What people think will never enhance your relationship.  Don’t let their flawed perception ruin your happy reality.  And another thing, dudes don’t like indecisive girls just like girls don’t like indecisive dudes.  It gets irritating being around a girl who doesn't know who she is or what she is.  And I’m sure it’s the same way for girls.  Just be you and focus on getting better.  You don’t have to complain about it.  Just do it.  

Avoid Asking Questions You’re Scared To Know The Answer To

Ladies, if you alter anything on your body whether it be your hair, piercings, new outfit or etc.  If the dude doesn't acknowledge it when he first sees it then he either doesn't like it or it’s irrelevant to him.  Save yourself the heartbreak in asking him if he likes it or not.  By asking him that, you’re setting yourself up to get lied to.  And if he doesn't lie to you, you’re not going to like the answer.  Honestly, a real man doesn't like to hurt his girl, so don’t make him.  Take the clues that he presents to you and keep moving.  Your relationship is going to have problems regardless.  Little petty stuff like how your hair looks or is this cute is not worth an argument.  Trust me.  A dude is going to tell you that he likes something about you.  It’s in his nature.  Just be cool and if you have to take the L, then do it.  We’re not going to like everything you put on so just accept it.  We’re not trying to be mean.  We’re just different people with different preferences.  It doesn't change the fact that we like you.  And don’t let your insecurities about petty stuff make you think that you’re not compatible with the dude.  That’s not a valid reason to break up with anyone.  You have to be a pretty sad person to break up just because a person doesn't like one thing about you. 

Give Your Man A Chance

Ladies, the last thing a dude wants from his lady is a girl who doesn't trust him or believe in him.  I know women have a certain vision for their man and they believe that what they envision is greater than what the man envisions for himself.  But you have to realize something, a vision can only be reality when the person actually believes the vision and acts on it.  If the dude doesn't see himself in the parameters of your vision then your vision is not going to work for him.  He has to believe in the vision and if he doesn't then it’s a lost cause.  Support your man.  There are certain things that he is passionate about and you should back him.  Now if it’s something illegal then you shouldn't encourage him in it.  But if it’s reasonable and legal, then at least have his back in it.  If it’s not meant for him then he will fail.  But at least he will know that his girl had his back and that’s what really matters to him.  And give your man the benefit of the doubt.  Too many girls let their past trifling boyfriend determine how they treat their new guy.  Like I said previously, all dudes are not the same.  So you shouldn't assume the next dude is just as trifling and the last dude.  You’re robbing yourself of your own happiness.  Why hurt yourself?  Let your current dude prove he trifling before you start to treat him like he trifling.  You’re not protecting yourself from hurt because you’re going to be hurt anyway, if he’s trifling.  Give your man a chance to be a good one and live with the consequences because you’re going to end up doing it anyway.  And don’t confuse this with settling because it’s nothing like it.  It’s called giving the dude a fair shot.  Women always want a dude to accept them for their “Flaws and All”.  Well do it for your man and he will accept you too.

Look Here Trick: Soul Searching

Disclaimer

Hello everyone!!! It’s been a long time since my last true blog post.  I can’t lie, it’s going to be hard to write this one because I know it may cause some emotional outbursts from people and the last thing I want to do is hurt another person.  But this blog is my spot to really just write down my feelings and get feedback.  It also offers me some sort of healing in that I get to show people another side of me that they didn’t know existed.  It almost feels like I have to write my feelings on this blog.  I’ve spent the majority of my life doing my best to stay out of controversy and not be the “Fall Guy”.  But from time to time, I still end up being that guy.  At least when I write this, I’ll have a written statement from me explaining my actions and I can know the undeniable truth as written by me was said.  Now people may say why you can’t just talk to someone.  First, I’m mostly Introvert, so talking to people about me isn’t the easiest thing for me to do.  Secondly, I find it relaxing to tell some complete stranger my problems.  Without a relationship established, those people normally give me a truly unbiased opinion.  I hate when people beat around the bush just to spare my feelings.  I’d respect you more if you would just knock that tree down and be upfront with me.  Finally, people don’t think they have to continually earn my trust.  Because I’m mild mannered, they think they can just treat me right on occasions and I will just tell them everything from the depths of my soul.  One thing about me is that I’m stubborn.  I’ll give you a piece of me but only in spurts.  I know for a fact that people repeat things to other people.  Before I tell you something, I want to be sure that I want other people to know it.  And just because I won’t tell you something off the bat, does not mean I won’t tell you at all or that I don’t trust you.  You have to work with me.  There are things I don’t want to do.  That doesn’t mean I won’t do them though.  If you tell me why you want me to do something, then I’ll probably do what you want me to do with a little more joy.  I just hate wasting my time.  I’m real because I can’t hide my emotions.  My face says it all.  You just have to be willing to work with me and not get easily frustrated.  Chances are, I’m frustrated with you as well, but I’m putting up with it for the greater good.  You can at least try to do the same.  So now that I got this disclaimer out the way, I can get into what I really want to talk about. ENJOY!!!!

Faith

I want to start off with my faith because I realize it’s the most important thing in my life.  My relationship with God hasn’t been where it should be and I admit that.  I haven’t been studying the word as much as I should and it eats at me from time to time.  God has blessed me so much and I can’t seem to give him his proper time throughout the day.  I still pray every night and I still go to church on Sunday, but a relationship with God is more than that.  It’s a journey that you have with Him that takes you through many peaks and valleys ultimately sculpting you into the person God want you to be.  I’m not what God sees I should be right now.  It’s important that I say that for a number of reasons though.  Many people view me in a positive light and I’ve worked hard to instill that trust in each and every individual I meet.  There are certain things I don’t do and to this day I will never do them.  But I am not perfect in any way.  Most people outside of my family don’t know that I have struggled with Pornography.  So you never get too up to fall.  But I say that to say this.  God sees your pain and your struggles and still sees you in the same light that He has always seen you in.  He loves you no matter the problem and He wants to establish a relationship with you regardless of what you’ve done.  And I guess that’s why it hurts so much to know I’m not doing what needs to be done on a daily basis to adhere to God’s plan when He has been there for me a countless number of times when I didn’t deserve it.  But the good thing about God is that He is merciful.  He has put me in an environment where I can’t stray too far away from Him.  Now don’t get me wrong, I still help out in my church and I offer guidance to people who need it.  But like I said, it’s more than that.  When I decided to write this blog, I wanted to be 100% honest and truthful because I know there are many assumptions about me.  I’m not as great as you think I am, but I’m not as bad as you want me to be.  And I figure, if people can see me in a vulnerable state, they will begin to understand me more.  Plus, I just hope that reading this causing someone to evaluate their relationship with God and realize how imperfect they are.

Pursuit of a Career

Well after an extensive job search, I can say God positioned me with a good job that I can be proud of.  People don’t know how hard it was for me to find a job.  My resume looks great, but what you have done means nothing to people looking to hire for an entry level position.  It’s all about who you know.  I can’t lie and say I don’t feel like I have been passed over because of that very fact.  Just the other day, I saw a picture of someone I interviewed alongside for a corporate internship.  Turns out he actually got the job even though I was probably more qualified.  I was a little ticked but I got over it.  Not mad at him.  Get your paper.  But it’s hard to feel any comfort knowing that no matter what I do, I will get looked over.  That’s not the best feeling in the world.  But enough of that let me get to the good stuff.  I work the front desk and do night audit at the Embassy Suites near where I stay.  This is a great experience for me because our hotel is a real business type atmosphere.  Many large companies hold events there and their workers stay there often.  So I meet a lot of people daily by just working and being hospitable.  I’ve earned a large amount of trust with my coworkers because of my willingness to learn and my punctuality (being there on time).  I thank God for the favor He has given me with these people and I’m doing my best to no let them down.  I just pray that that this experience doesn’t end up like my past experiences where unexpected events lead to expiration.  If I have to leave, I want it to be on good terms with a suitable solution for both parties.  I can’t say that I know what it means to achieve your dream though.  Like, I have dreams but none of them seem attainable due to the position that I’m in so I end up settling for whatever is best at the time.  For once I would like to realize a dream of mine and be happy that I accomplished it.  I’m tired of doing the more “Realistic” thing.

Friendships

This has been an interesting year as it relates to my friendship with people.  I’ve had some ups and I’ve had some downs.  I’ve been tested and tried.  I can’t say I’ve whether or not I’ve passed the majority of the test.  But I can say I’ve grown so much as a person throughout these times.  One of my closets friend’s father just passed away and it hit me hard.  For one, I don’t like seeing my friends hurt and not be in a position where I can take that pain away.  I don’t know why God makes certain decisions, but I tend to not question His decision making as to why.  I just hope this situation brings my friend closer to God because He’s the only one that can provide him with a since of peace that he is lacking right now.  I’m doing my best to make things feel as normal as I can.  But I can’t front and say I don’t feel like a hypocrite telling someone it’s going to be alright when my father is alive and breathing.  I know those words probably don’t mean much, but I want to be there for my friend.  That’s the least that I can do.  I have another friend who’s pursuing his dream but I honestly don’t know how serious he is about it.  The people around him try to be his support system but there is only so much we can do.  I see the same people pursue the same dream that he has with way more ferocity and some of them end up making it.  And they’re normally less talented than my friend.  But I know what his problem is.  He lets outside forces deter him from his goal.  I can’t be there all the time because there are certain things I don’t do.  But I guess when you get caught up in a lifestyle, you adapt to the people that surround you.  I just hope his talent isn’t wasted.  I’ve done all I can do, but I can’t continue to move on someone’s behalf if they’re not all in.  And just saying that you’re all in isn’t enough for me.  I have to see a level of consistency in your actions that goes with your statement.  Until I see that, I will just let the inevitable happen.

Relationships

This will probably be the longest section of this blog because I have plenty to say on this.  It seems like every time I write on this blog I’m single.  Maybe it’s just meant for me to be single when I write like this.  Who knows?  But anyway, I’ve been single for about 3 and half months now.  And I can truly say it’s been quite the journey these past couple of months.  I’ve gotten over her but I can’t lie and say I’m not a little bit bitter as to how it went down.  It just feels like I failed the relationship.  Now she can tell me all she wants that it’s not my fault but I can’t help but feel that it is my fault because it wasn’t my idea to break away.  We’ve talked about it and have found closure.  I’ll let that stand.  We decided to remain friends and at one point that was going good.  But now it feels like God is transitioning us from Friends to Associates.  We barely communicate now because neither one of us feels that it is necessary.  When we do communicate, it’s the cordial “Hey, how are you?” and “How is everything going?”  That’s about it.  I guess God has placed us on different paths that are heading in two totally different directions.  That normally happens in my life.  Friends are in my life for a season or two and then they’re off doing their own thing.  It’s not they’re fault.  Things just happen.  And before you know it, they become a distant memory in my life.  That’s kinda how I deal with things.  Once they’re gone, I’m forced to move on.  But I’ve made a promise to myself.  I refuse to just call her up out the blue and proceed to whine and complain to her while squeezing in a marriage proposal like her old boyfriends.  Like I said, I’m content with the thought of not having her as my girlfriend.  I plan on moving on.  I guess I’m more hurt that our friendship has turned into the last days of our relationship.  We’re just going through the motions.  Maybe it’s on me.  I can’t sit here and say I would be overjoyed to see her right now if she walked through the door.  I don’t know how I would feel to be honest.  I’d imagine it would be an awkward moment with us just going through the motion and doing the traditional song and dance.  But I will say this.  God gave me exactly what I asked for.  A while back, I had a simple prayer to God as it concerns my relationship status.  I got so desperate just to have someone that I asked God to just send me someone to teach me how to be a good boyfriend.  God did just that with her so I guess that was her purpose in my life.  Well now I have a new prayer.  I just pray that the next one is The One.  I’m tired of looking and I just want a girl who’s willing to put up with me and that I’m willing to put up with.  I’ve always said that I would be able to determine if a girl was The One by our first argument.  If I was able to take what she was dishing and she was able to take what I was dishing out, then I would know that we’re capable of spending the rest of our lives together.  In my last relationship, we never argued.  Just subtle debates.  I held a lot of stuff in and she did the same.  Before you know it, assumptions and misconceptions were the death of us.  I always think what if we just argued one time and was able say how we feel before seeking guidance.  Maybe we would have lasted longer.  You never know.  But I can say she was a good girlfriend.  God is doing some pretty awesome things in her life.  I still pray for her happiness every night.  She’s going to be fine because God has her back.  As with me, I’m still searching for The One.  I don’t want to live my life alone.  I know God is all that I need, but I really want a mate.  Even Adam needed help and so do I.  But in my pursuit of a female companion, I’ve changed a couple of my viewpoints.  I don’t know if I can risk another friendship like this last one, so I can’t say that it’s totally right to date your friends.  It’s hard enough to find good friends in this world.  So losing one is a hard pill to swallow.  Another thing that has really been bothering me is the length I go to make people happy.  I tried so hard to please my girlfriend but those things couldn’t save our relationship.  I’m really thinking about toning it down some.  I figure I can save the outlandish stuff for marriage.  If she truly likes me, it shouldn’t matter.  And the main thing that has changed with me is probably what I look for in a mate.  I’m really more concerned with a girl’s tolerance level.  I don’t know if I can handle a super sensitive girl.  I put up with so much stuff that it’s hard for me to see how someone can’t get easily offended or hurt off the simplest of things.  I’m not trying to hurt anyone.  Sometimes I need the girl to know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m not doing things to hurt her.  It hurts me when I have to apologize for hurting someone’s feelings when my intentions where spare that very person’s hurt.  I’d like to be trusted as well.  I just need God to restore my faith.  He did it one time for me, so I know he can do it again.

Conclusion

And that’s me in a nutshell.  I have plenty more to say but I figure most of you are tired of reading this book so I will save the rest for the next time.  But I will leave you with this.  I wrote this piece as a means of understanding.  Many people don’t understand me.  They assume they know but are mostly wrong.  I am an Introvert.  I’m quiet most of the time.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t talk.  I feed off the energy of others.  If you come to me talking in a calm, quiet manner, I’ll probably talk to you in a calm and quiet manner.  But if you talk to me with energy, you might be surprised with what you get out of me.  I have insecurities that need to be addressed.  But that doesn’t mean it will be easy to get those feelings out of me.  I want to tell you, but I’d like to do it on my terms.  If you put enough trust in me, you will get what you want out of me.  But at the moment where you begin to look down on me or get frustrated, I will lock up again.  I’m giving you warning now.  Just because I’m hard to crack does not mean I’m not worth the try.  Even some of the greatest gifts have the hardest packages to open.  Just give me a chance and it will be worth the ride.  Thank you for reading and please send me some kind of feedback.  I’m real interested in hearing what you all had to say.