OJ was ballin like #LookHereTrick!!!! lol
10:31 AM
I probably was talking to a Trick when this pic was taken. lol #LookHereTrick
12:57 AM
This past year has truly been one to remember. A lot has happened to me over these past 12 months that I don’t even know where to begin. Emotionally, I can say that it has been the best of times and the worst of times. I haven’t really told people how I truly feel because I don’t think anyone really cares about the next man’s problems. The people that you want to read this post never read it so information is withheld. Sure we all say cliché things such as “I’m here for you” or “If you need me, just call” but how many of us actually mean it when we say it? I say none. But anyway, my emotions have really been played with. And that’s just not with one aspect of life, but more like with all of the aspects; Spiritually, Professionally, Academic Wise and Relationship Wise. I guess I’ll just start rambling and maybe I’ll get somewhere once I’m finished writing this. lol
Spiritually
God has really been testing me for a while now. I know that his main message that He has been trying to convey with me is “Will you trust Me?” As everyone knows, I was born in the church. Raised in the church. All I know is the church. But I also know that a relationship with God extends beyond the four walls of a church building. I know for a fact God has been watching over me my whole life. I don’t need confirmation for that. But the problem I seem to face is with my future goals and aspirations and how they fit within His plan for my life. I want to either have a good job in the Sports Industry or own my own business but it’s kind of hard figuring out if I will have enough time to devote to God by doing those things. I don’t want to be one of those people who gain all the riches of the world just to be bound for hell. And it feels like God has been taking things away from me to see if I will truly trust Him. This is a really tough test I’m in right now and I hope I pass it. I’m far from perfect and I hope people see that. I may not smoke, drink, curse, have sex or party, but I do struggle with temptation on a daily basis. I don’t put myself above any other person because I feel we all are the same in God’s eye. I’ve been more receptive to God’s word now than I have been in the past. It’s kind of weird though. Most people think I’m going to be a Preacher in the future. Honestly, I don’t see it. But if that is God’s plan for me, I have no choice but to abide in it. It doesn’t feel like God is throwing me down that path because I feel that there are many other ways to reach people through Ministry without actually being a Minister. But that’s just my opinion.
Professionally
I can say this past year I’ve seen the worst of Labor force. I’ve always known that people will lie to you just because. But it’s nothing like having it done to you on a daily basis and you are powerless against it. That is basically the summary of my experience in the work force this past year. It began with uncertainty and ended with deceit. I can say this though. I learned that a regular 9 to 5 isn’t for me. I learned how not to act as a boss. And I also learned that people really don’t care about you for the most part. It’s a dog eat dog world out there and unless you have a “Care Less Attitude”, people will use you for everything you got. People are naturally selfish and they always have motives driven around their own personal goals. You can’t truly believe anyone if they say they are doing something solely for your benefit. Chances are that it’s a lie. I still believe in helping people, but it gets to a point where you don’t know if your help is actually benefiting that person. I did get to a point on my job where I hated being there and I was only doing it for a check. That feeling alone can mess you up because I wasn’t really happy. I’ve always been the type of person where simple things bring me joy. When things start compromising my joy that’s when I realize I’m that it’s not worth it to stay. I don’t want to get into any of the specifics that happened at my job, but just know I learned from the experience. I’m grateful that I had an opportunity to take part in the Insurance Industry but it wasn’t for me. I just wished things were handled in a more appropriate and professional way. But we can’t get what we want all the time so I just move on.
Academic Wise
Well graduation is coming and I don’t know whether I should be happy or sad. On one end of the spectrum, I’m happy I finished undergraduate level college. That was a major goal for me. The majority of my accolades have come in the Academic arena. But on the other hand, I’m really sad to see this experience go. I can honestly say that these last 4 years have been the greatest 4 years of my life. Even with all the mess I’ve had to put up with, I have really enjoyed myself. I’ve met some great people and experienced some wonderful things. I will never get these years back and that’s the sad part. Where I’m from, we don’t get this often so it’s hard to let go. I’ve also been thinking about the degree I’ve been working toward. It’s starting to feel like it’s not going to be worth anything much. I feel as though there is much work for my department if they want to reach the goals that they have set. I also feel that I have been deprived of a quality education for a little bit because I have some teachers who do more talking than teaching. I’ve never been one for a lot of talk. I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words. So it’s kind of hard for me to believe you know how to teach when all you are doing is talking and giving us busy work to do. That’s just how I feel. All teachers are not like this, but some of the ones I need to graduate are like this. I’ve just gotten to a point where I’m tired of being used and lied to and that’s how my Academic experience has been feeling like. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way and I will just leave it at that.
Relationship Wise
I saved this one for last for a reason. I could write a book on this topic or my lack thereof of this topic. I still have the same problem that I’ve always had. I’m just a better “Friend” to these female than a potential Boyfriend. I guess I just have all around good friend qualities. I can’t blame anyone for this other than myself. I just don’t know how to come off as anything other than a friend. That’s just the perception that I give off. I don’t try to do it. It just happens for some reason. I think I’m the master at liking the girl that’s never going to like me back. Maybe I just have a terrible choice in the women I like. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I do have longing for a companion in my life. I got to the point where I would accept anyone that I like for who they are and hopefully we could grow together. That didn’t work out too well. The difficult part about that is that the other person has to accept you for who you are as well. I know I’m an average guy. My calling card is making girls laugh. I’m short and I won’t be beating a lot of people in a Good Looks competition. So I have to be good at other stuff like listening, being understanding, being reliable and etc. But qualities like that are what girls look for in friends. Just this past year, I made a mistake and started catching feelings for a person just because they told me their problems and I listened. That person just wanted to be my friend and I ended up wanting more. Those two different attitudes messed up what could have been a great friend relationship. Now we can’t really associate in public that long because we feel uncomfortable around each other. I can’t lie, it hurts knowing that the person you like doesn’t like you back. I tried to fulfill that person needs and wants but I wasn’t the person that they were looking for to do that. It’s easy to say just move on but it’s not like I’m being presented with many options on a daily basis. I guess that’s the price you pay when you let your guard down. Now I’m in a position where I was once cool with someone, but now I don’t know how cool I am with that person because they really don’t think about me when they’re at this school setting. And it’s even harder when this person just stops conversing with you like they used to. It makes you wonder if love is really meant for you. I’ve experienced the “Friend Zone” a lot in my years of living. It’s a lonely place to be, especially when you are put into the “Friend Zone” by a person who you want to be more than friends with. But then you realize that you have to fulfill your friend duties even though it eats at you daily that this person is just not into you. It hurts even worse when that person tries to separate from you thus leaving your with a huge void in your heart. But that’s just me. I guess this is just God telling me that He has something that I can’t see yet. It probably is, but I sure would like to know soon. Hurt feelings don’t go away fast.
So that’s just a little look into my life. As you can see, it’s kind of complex. I guess that’s why most people don’t try to get to know me like that. I hope this post fulfills whatever purpose it was suppose to fill. Until the next time, Peace and Much Love To You!!!!!
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