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LOOK HERE TRICK: Why Some Marriages (Not All) End in Divorce

One thing that I love to do, more than anything in life, is observe my surroundings. One of the things that I couldn’t help but notice, while observing, is all the failed attempts at marriage. It seems no one wants to honor the vows that they take on that great wedding day. I guess people just get married for the wedding. While thinking about the possible reasons for the divorce, I have managed to narrow it down to three. Now, before you judge me on the topics, make sure you read my explanations. If you are willing to think for yourself and not let society think for you, you will be able to see where I’m coming from.

3. High Expectations

When I say high expectations, I view it in two ways. People have high expectations for the marriage and high expectations for their mate. First let me get to the high expectations for the marriage. For some strange reason people believe that marriage is the same way in real life as it is portrayed in a fairytale. People tend to think that there aren’t any conflicts when you get married and everything goes smoothly. I’m sorry to tell you this, but marriage is like a job. There are good days and there are bad days. And unless you love it, you will be bored for the rest of your life. Marriage is more than just the wedding and honeymoon. You have the days that follow the wedding in honeymoon. There are going to be some days when life is pressing you down and your marriage will seem as if it is going down. But, if you are able to get past all those days, it can only make your marriage better.

Now, let me get to the high expectations that mates put on each other. Men and women think too highly of their opposite sex. Most times some women think that their man can do no wrong and visa versa. This feeling is often caused by a smokescreen and that smokescreen is called infatuation. Now I know many of you believe that it is love that makes them feel this way, but I beg to differ. See, love helps you look past a person’s differences. People in love learn to deal with another person’s flaws. That is what makes love so special. On the other hand, when a person fails to notice those flaws, they are caught up into another person’s looks. That’s why I say it is infatuation and many couples get caught in this trap. They marry a person just because that person looks good and forget to see if that person is a good listener, a good provider, or if the person is willing to compromise. Marrying a person based on looks only leads to turmoil. Remember, you have to live with this person everyday of your life. And once you get to know that person, many things start to change. All of a sudden they realize that the person they married is not on a good level emotionally. Now, you are left with basically a human statue. By that I mean, the person is pretty on the eyes but doesn’t do anything else.

2. Sex Before Marriage

Before you get mad and start to think that I am just an angry Christian trying to force religion on you, hear me out. I’m going to try to explain this in a way where common sense is the main factor. Just think about this for a second. When you have sex before marriage, it leads to several problems.

First off, if you marry a person just because the sex is good, you have to realize something. You are not in love with that person; you are in love with the sex you get from that person. Sex only lasts for a moment and then it’s over. So you are basically saying that you are willing to sacrifice a lifetime of happiness for a moment of satisfaction. Well, I have one question for you then. What are you going to do when the sex is over? You forget that there are 24 hours in a day. Sex, on average, lasts anywhere from a couple minutes to an hour. What are you going to do for the next 23 hours? You can’t have sex all the time because it will start to get old, especially with the same person. Sex doesn’t determine whether a person treats you right. There a plenty of men who abuse their wives and are good in the bed.

Secondly, sex before marriage doesn’t leave much to be desired once you get married. What are you going to look forward to on your honeymoon? You have seen your mate in action before so you already know what to expect. That’s no fun!!!! Plus, this eventually leads to the sex getting old really quick. That’s one of the worst things that can happen to a marriage. I’ve heard this analogy plenty of times when people try to defend this action. They normally say “How can you drive a car before you test drive it.” Well I have an analogy for you, “How can you enjoy a Christmas present on Christmas if you open it before Christmas.” You figure it out. But, getting back to the matter at hand, once the sex gets old, either your mate starts to act grumpy more or your mate starts to look other places for excitement. Next thing you know, divorce papers are on your desk waiting to be signed.

Finally, sex before marriage could lead to you marrying for the wrong reason. Just think what could happen if the woman gets pregnant while having sex? This could lead to two people marrying before they are ready just to make sure that their child has a mother and father who are together. But truth be told, that is not going to help that child much. Just think what that child has to go through on a daily basis. People wonder why some of these kids are so bad. Just put your self in that kid position. You have to grow up knowing that you are a mistake. It was never planned for you to be here. Just think how that child feels knowing that his or her mother cried tears of sorrow when she found out she was pregnant. That makes you want to rebel. Plus, once the rocky road of marriage hits the parents, it leads to more turmoil that has to be witnessed by the child.

1. I Before We

I have found out that the main reason why some marriages don’t last is because the people in the marriage refuse to sacrifice for the betterment of the relationship. Like I said before, marriage is like a job. With that being said, you have to sacrifice to make it work. You have to have tough skin when you decide to marry. There will be plenty of times where your mate will get under your skin so much that you will want to kill that person. It’s a fact. You may say how do you know so much about marriage, but not be involved in one. The reason why I am able to speak on this issue is because I have parents who have been married over 30 years. I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly from them both. But, I can truly say that they love each other. They find a way to work through their many differences. My father doesn’t get his way all the time and my mother doesn’t get her way all the time; but they manage to find common ground most of the time. I’ve seen plenty of times where my mother had to get out the house and take a drive because she was so mad with my father. But, she always came back and they would kiss and make up. That’s what people have to be willing to do in their own marriage. Forget about Me and focus on We because in the end, your mate is all you got. Since you are going to be together for the rest of your life, you have to turn your relationship into a friendship. Times are going to get hard, so you will need that friend to have your back. Sure, there are going to be things that you don’t agree with in your marriage, but that’s life. This is what you signed up for. The vows said “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health as long as you both shall live.” Those vows are not just meant to be said, but meant to be lived.

LOOK HERE TRICK: Problems in Black Society

I was doing some major thinking today and one major thought that crossed my mind was how down we are as black people. We have so many problems that we continue to ignore on a daily basis. Now, I know the same can be said for all races, but I can’t speak for those races because of the color of my skin. The only thing I know is being black and that is what I can account for. Well getting back to the issue, we as black people have many problems within our community and the only way we will ever change them is by changing our thought pattern. But, that same thought pattern is the hardest thing to kill because it has been instilled in our minds due to our history of slavery. For those who don’t know what I am talking about, I have compiled a list of certain thoughts that have broken our society and made us so unbalanced as a society. I decided to talk on 5, but there are many more. If there are any major thoughts that you see I should talk about, submit them when you make your comment. Alright let’s get to it so I can make as many people mad as possible and stir up a conversation.

5. “This Has Always Worked”
How many of you have tried to submit a new idea of how something should be handled and a person hit you with this comment. I’m sure many of you have heard this before, especially the people who call themselves leaders. We, as black people, refuse to try new things. We are convinced that if it worked in the past, it should work in the present. That train of thought is one of main reasons why our rise to the top is such a slow and painful process. We live in a new day in age where new things are required of us. That one dimensional style of thinking can not cut it in this new era. Just think how far we would have been set back if Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would have conformed to way most people thought back in that day. Back in his time, the majority of the people believed that the only way to affect change was to either wait on change or riot for change. Dr. King had another way of thinking. He believed that change could be affected by taking action in a positive way. Well let’s fast forward to now. Because of his new way of thinking, he has single handily caused more change than any other black man in history. And you want to know why, because he didn’t say “Since it worked in the past, let’s use it know”. No, he said let’s try something new because we want new results and that is what we must do now. We have to stop staying with the same ideas because they are giving us the same results. Those results are leading us into a place of nothing where you give nothing and you receive nothing.

4. “Be Realistic!!”
Now, this thought is one I hate with a passion and I know many of you want to know why. Let’s just say you have a dream of being something great once you grow up. Well, since you have this dream, you want the whole world to know. So, the first people you tell end up being your parent hoping to get some encouragement. But what happens, they hit you with one of these. “Be realistic, you know that’s hard to do.” And what happens know, your dream is dead. That is what black parents have been feeding their kids for years. Here is one of the major perceived differences between black parents and white parents. Black parents teach their kids to be good people, get and education, and get a job. White parents tell their children similar things but it sounds a little different. White parents teach their children to be good people, get their education, and get a GOOD job. Do you see the major difference? A lot of white kids look for GOOD jobs while most of us blacks just look for jobs. I know many of you are confused about the difference between GOOD job and a job. A teacher is a job. A janitor is a job. A truck driver is a job. A construction worker is a job. A waitress is a job. But look at this. A principal is a GOOD job. An owner of a truck driving service is a GOOD job. A CEO of a Fortune 500 company is a GOOD job. Just being the owner of any business is a GOOD job. Black parents, stop killing your kids dream. I’m not saying you should pad their ego, but you should make your child aware of what he or she would have to endure to become that dream.

3. “I Can’t Wait”
Black people, we are the most impatient people known to society. We refuse to wait on anything, much less endure the necessary hardships that come with waiting. We can talk a good game, but we don’t want to do what is required to back it up. I know the Civil Rights Movements hasn’t tired us out that much where we refuse to struggle for the better of our future people. Most of us never took part in the Civil Rights Movement, but we reap the benefits daily. We claim we want change and we beg for it every day. But, do we ever do anything to affect the change. No, and why not? Because we don’t like to wait on the results. We are lazy and that is why less comes to us. I hear it many times. We don’t have this, we don’t have that, they don’t do this, and they don’t do that. Have you ever wondered why they don’t do certain things? It’s because you are all talk and you will accept whatever they give you. We know what it takes to get what we want; we just refuse to do it. And that same thought is the reason why we are at where we are at. It is time to be what we are talking about and not talk about what we want to be. (That’s a great line I just made up by the way. Don’t steal it please and give me credit if you do. LOL!!!)

2. “It’s Not My Fault”
We have to start excepting responsibility for our actions and that starts from the largest person to the smallest person. People wonder why our youth continues to get less interested in life and more interested in fun. It’s not BET fault, entirely. There is an old saying that says “It takes a village to raise a child.” Well that village has failed to raise the child properly. Whether you like it or not, children are affected by more than just hip hop and television. It’s what they see on a daily basis. People act the way they act because they are accustomed to seeing that type of behavior around them. We can’t expect a rapper, athlete, or actor to raise our kids. That jobs was bestowed on the parents. Your child will listen to you if you tell the child how to be and you are acting the way that you talk about. See, that’s the major problem. How can you tell your child not to smoke or drink and you know you have your habits. Or, how can you tell your child to practice abstinence when you get wild every now and then. Stop playing the blame game on everyone else and take responsibility for your own short comings.

1. “We Are Still Not Free”
Yes, we still think this way. There are people who believe we are still in slavery. How many times do we have to sing We Shall Overcome before we actually overcome? I know there are still racist people out there who continue to hold us back. But, what we fail to realize is that the law is on our side and we don’t have to accept that feeling. If someone says something racist in this day in age, the consensus feeling is that the person who said the comment is wrong. Where as, if you go back about 40 years, the consensus feeling would be reversed. No one is holding us back but US. We don’t have to accept racism. Plus, we have to stop blaming the white man. The white man didn’t put that liquor bottle in your mouth that you were drinking the night before your job interview. The white man didn’t make you sleep with your girlfriend’s sister. The white man didn’t make you steal money from your mother. The white man didn’t make you fight that girl in the club. We have to get out that mindset that the white man doesn’t want us to succeed for fear of his power loss. Some of it may be true, but we don’t have to accept it. We are the only ones who decide whether we are free or not. We are not inferior to any other being unless we think so. Now with that in mind, let’s start making history again and not just living off it. Thanks for reading this. Hopefully, you will take these thoughts and apply them to everyday life.

LOOK HERE TRICK: You Don't Deserve Me!!!!!!!!!!

A public service announcement to all who read this poem. This poem is not meant to bash anyone in particular. It is just a way to express my creativity by doing something different. If any female gets offended by it, I just want to say I’m sorry. It is not meant to hurt you, but to make you think. If you change the poem’s theme to a more female related theme, it can be very empowering. So enjoy!!!

I can’t lie
You are fine beyond measure
When you walk by, I fantasize about what could be
The possibility of me and you
You probably could get any man you desire
And you know what I have to say to that
Good for you
Because I have come to a realization
You don’t deserve me
Yes I said, do I have to stutter
You don’t deserve me
My intelligence means more than your beauty on any day
Why should I wait for a chance to get with you while you vast in your beauty
When I could be with a girl who loves me for what’s on the inside
I bet you are mad know even though you never really liked me
So you know what I have to say to you
Forget you
Yes, forget you
Forget your mother for having you
Forget your father for having sex with your mother thus creating you
Forget your grandmother for having sex with your grandfather thus creating your mother who gave birth to you
Matter of fact; forget the slave master who brought your ancestors over to America, thus laying the foundation for your birth
I am perfectly happy not staring in your face like the rest of these do-boyz you live for
You don’t deserve me
If we were to get together, I would probably sweep you off your feet
Take you places that you have never been before
Introduce you to a new way of life
Make you life as easy as it could possibly get
But you don’t deserve that
Your attitude won’t allow me to do that
So sit around and enjoy all the attention that you get from others
Because it’s going to past and sooner rather than later, you are going to feel miserable
You want to know why?
Those same people will eventually stab you in your back
And while you are crying, I will be smiling with the love of my life as we fade off into the sunset
You brought this on yourself with your stuck-up attitude
I bet you I sound like a great option now
But your time is up
I told you once before that you don’t deserve me!!!!!!

LOOK HERE TRICK: Happiness vs. Joy

Just the other day, I was talking with a friend I haven’t seen in like 7 or 8 years. It’s been a long time. As our conversation progressed, she began to say some things that really made me think. If I was to quote the great Myra Smith, I believed she said “........The difference between being happy and having joy is happiness is temporary until things go wrong. Joy is when the worst can happen and you still lift hands up to God with a genuine smile and say Thank You God For Another Beautiful Day.” You know something, she is totally right. We, as a people, spend so much time looking for Happiness, that we forget what life is all about. How many times have you felt down and out about something, until you realized that what you were mad at was not important at all. Even I have been guilty of that. We have to realize that Happiness comes in things that are temporary. Whether it’s something materialistic or an infatuation with someone who you really don’t like, these things only make you happy for a short period of time. But, the great thing about Joy is that it makes you feel good for a lifetime. Just the thought that you are living or the thought that you get a chance to do something you love should give you enough aspiration to enjoy life. We take the little things for granted every day. God didn’t have to put us on this Earth to begin with. But, what do we do to repay him? We continue to search for Happiness when it’s all around us. Some of you may say, those things can’t make me happy. Have you ever tried them? Instead, you go out and look for a good time by doing things that make you feel worse than how you felt before. You will never find true Joy in that alcohol bottle, with those many people you sleep with on a daily basis, in drugs, or in a club. You will only find Joy in permanent things like your family and friends, your faith, or your environment. Take the time out to smell the coffee. Instead of worrying about how someone feels about you, go and make you feel good. Do something that you enjoy doing (that’s legal). You will never find Joy until you find yourself. You have to live with you every day. This life would be pitiful if you just continue to hate yourself. It’s called self-esteem for a reason. Don’t let anyone affect how you feel about you. Those people can only do 2 things for you and that’s either make you temporally happy or forever mad at yourself. And anyways, why keep those kinds of people in your life. That’s you looking for happiness again when you should be looking for Joy in true friends. True friends bring you Joy because they are always by your side through thick and thin. They will never leave your side and they will accept you for who you are. So in conclusion, ask yourself whether you want to be happy or filled with Joy. You might answer with Joy, but you may be living a life for happiness. Until you find Joy, you will never truly be happy.

LOOK HERE TRICK: Why I Am the Way I Am

I just wanted to write this blog to clear up any misconceptions about me. I am very aware that a lot of people have different thoughts about me ranging from good to bad. So, to the people who have either neutral or negative thoughts about me, I can’t blame you for thinking that way. I know I’m not the easiest person to get to know. To some people, I come off as shy, quiet, reserved, and monotone. But, to other people, I come off as exuberant, witty, full of jokes, and very talkative. All I can say concerning this is that I do everything for a reason. Take it how you want to.

The reason I may come off as shy and quiet to the new people in my life stems from my upbringing. Let me ask you this question. Have you ever been talked about or laughed at for doing the right thing? This has happened to me quite often in my childhood. As many of you know, my father is a preacher and my mother is a missionary for the Church of God in Christ. I have been brought to live a life that is holy and acceptable toward Christ. That’s not to say I’m perfect because we all make mistakes from time to time. I fight my personal demons on a daily basis. But this is just to say I don’t do certain things. I don’t smoke, drink, go to clubs and parties, curse, or part take in fornication. But that’s not the reason I’m quiet. The reason I’m quiet is because many people have talked about for the way I act. I have been constantly persecuted by people and I have held my peace for the longest. So, as a child, I would just close my mouth and say nothing to avoid giving people a reason to talk about me. I don’t care what people say, words have power and they can hurt from time to time. Very few people know how it feels to have people try to make you curse by trying to get you to say such words as Garbage or Astronaut. Some people can be so cruel. That makes it hard to trust people and that’s why I’m kinda quiet when I meet new people.

Well, this quiet conditioning has stayed with me up to now by me closing my mouth for so long. Now I know plenty of you are saying “People will always say things, you just have to look past that.” The problem is that most of the people who would say some of these cruel things to me were my so-called friends. All I could to is just smile and pass it off. But, deep inside, this stuff eats me up on a daily basis. What most people don’t know about me is that All of my friends are 150% different from me. That’s why I believe that none of my friends consider me their best friend. Again, I can he you people say “People are going to be different, that’s how God made people.” But, most of you can admit that you and your best friend, ride or die partner have some similar qualities. I can’t say I have that type of friend in my life right now. Now, that’s not to say my friends are horrible people because they are wonderful people and I love them to death. But, I’m just stating the facts and if they look back at it, they can find the truth in my statement.

As for some of the weird statements I have made on my Facebook status, I just want to say this. When I said that I was tired of being lied to and that some of my friends have decided to kick me out of their lives, I was sending direct shots at one particular person. Chances are that person will not read this post because they are too busy trying to keep a cool status with people who will eventually bring that person down. I will not reveal that person’s name because unlike that person, I actually care for the people who help me get to where I’m at. I don’t want to go too far into the situation, but I do want to say this. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. When people tell me that they are going to do something, I expect them to do it or at least give me an explanation as to why they didn’t do it. It doesn’t feel good when the only time a person calls you is when they need something. I’ve been used enough in high school, and I’m not about to go that route again. I expected this from other people, but not from you.

So to the new people I’ve met this past year or to the people I’ve met but very seldom get to see you face, this is me in a nutshell. I know this isn’t everything. So, if you want to know more, just ask. I may come off as shy and disinterested, but I’m not. I’m actually a cool person once you get to know me. And if there are any other questions, I will gladly answer them in my next blog.